Core exercises

Listen ladies... don't over do dumb shit you heard from other trainers... we want a skinny waistline, and all those extra "core" exercises are packing on muscle in the wrong places. Let me tell you what sorts of exercises you should really be doing:

Make sure you get your arm and shoulder exercises to show some muscle tone when you where that strapless and backless little black dress. Nothing sexier than the area where a beautiful woman's neck, shoulders, and back meet. A little endurance there will certainly help with those long-lasting handjobs you should be giving me. Endurance swimming will give you the endurance and the resistance training and pool sprints will give you that burst of anerobic speed that can really get a guy over the edge.

I mentioned the neck... it's hard to find neck machines anywhere but a rehabilitation center or pro football gym... but let's not forget how important those neck muscles are when your giving me a 15 minute blow job. It's a real bummer when you drop the pace at the last minute, so if nothing else, the best blowjob training is actually giving lots of blowjobs until you get good at it.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, please stop doing those fucking retarded hip adductor/abductor exercises. You should strive to be very flexible in the range of motion in your hips, but you don't need to have all those extra useless muscles taking up room in your precious courtesy gap (or making your hips look wider). Just stick with yoga and other resistance exercises that mimic wild sexual positions. Not only is it fun to watch you do them at the gym, but the real thing is that much better when you don't get a back cramp in the middle of a jack hammer.

Squats. Ass-to-grass squats are the best exercise in the world. Nothing is better for overall conditioning. Not only is it a sexy to see a woman doing free weight squats, but it's getting you ready for some of the greatest reverse-cowgirl action you could imagine. Full-extension is important here. Keep the weight low in the beginning and get those glutes within an inch or two of your achilles when you are at the low point in the exercise. Not only are you getting a good quad, glute, and back exercise, but the stabilizer muscles from free squats will really help with your control to accidental penis damage during those cowgirl moves.

Running. Coupled with eating next to nothing for a few weeks, nothing will get you sexier faster than running. The key is not eating. Get it? No GU, no Shot Blocks, and no simple carbs. I've got an extra oral protein injection waiting for you if you need any supplements.

As i touched on earlier, the yoga positions that mimic sexual positions are a great way to increase flexibility. Some moves are diffictult to achieve without specific training, so make sure you read up or watch some "training videos" to get yourself prepared mentally and physically.

Kegels. I can't speak highly enough of these. You can do them anytime (or all the time) and then throw in some standing exercises with a Kegel Training Bar or Ben-Wa Balls and you'll be up to spec within a very short time. If they aren't working for you, that tightening vaginoplasty is a great simple fix. I don't normally suggest surgery as an easy alternative to exercise, but if you don't have to bother with lubing up that seatpost, surgery might be your only viable option.

One last point.... Make sure you keep good posture. Nothing is more sad looking that a would-be beautiful woman who is slouching with her hear and boobs down and shoulders forward. You don't want to look like Quasimoto, so keep your shoulders back, chin up, and tits perked up.