Hey fat dude at the gym

Instead of trying to horde 6 pieces of equipment during the lunchtime rush so you can "superset" an entire circuit workout, try "super-setting" 5 sets of 10 A2G squats with an 1000 calorie hour on the treadmill and then another 1000 calorie hour on the elliptical trainer. Can you feel the pump now you fat fuck?

So you lift weights?
No, I just put them down.

People who are almost as annoying as fatties in the gym

When I'm at the gym, sometimes I just can't help laughing... Usually it involves a fattie trying to operate a cybex machine or pedaling an elliptical so slowly that the machine won't stay on... but sometimes it's the guys working with free weights that really crack me up. Guys who come in with a buddy, do two sets of three benchpresses, fully assisted by their spotter because they racked up too much weight and then leave without doing another exercise. Seriously, who the fuck are you kidding. I just laugh... knowing that they will certainly be fat someday

It's the ones who pull the Adonis shit in front of the mirror that usually get the most laughs from me. Seriously. I laugh at them in the gym. It reminds me of the greatest workout line ever:

"Excuse me, Can the rest of us use the mirror?"

Now, I'm not quite as much of a man as Chris Kattan, so I can't take credit for being the first person to use that line. But oh, what a great line. Seriously, can't these meatheads wait until they get home to use their mom's full length mirror for their flexing and shadow-boxing session. Many of these douchebags also suffer from what is called ILS: Imaginary Lat Syndrome.

I don't blame the mirrors... and even I find myself looking at myself occasionally, but I'm not over-the-top mentally masturbating at the sight of myself in the mirror. Nor do I lift up my shirt to look at my abs in the mirror every 5 minutes. I just do my workout, laugh at idiots, and go home.

Since I can't take time out of my workout to laugh at every single idiot, face to face, I've come up with my next million dollar idea. Screen print my insults onto the back of my gym shirts... Here's the first run:

• I'm too weak to rip my sleeves off... Could you spot me?
  
  
• You sure are lumpy... Is it the creatine or just weird fat deposits
  
  
• Do you mind if i work-in on your mirror?

• Can you teach me to grunt like that?
  
  
• How many extra pounds can you lift when you do that scream-like-a-girl thing?
  
  
• Where did your neck go? Do the ladies find that sexy?
  
  
• Nice Biceps... those guns really accent how puny the rest of your body looks.
  
  
• I bet your imaginary girlfriend doesn't know what full extension is either.
  

I'm open to suggestions, as have more important thing to do... like insulting fatties instead of picking on the meatheads.