Saturday, October 23, 2010

the g-spot assassin


The sugar momma asked me why I run with my shirt off...

Hmmm. Well, I suppose it's because it gives all the ladies a clit-boner. Just a guess.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Big boned

The is a saying a about girls with big bones...

Bones don't jiggle.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Joke Day


What is the definition of making love?


Something your girlfriend does while you are fucking her.

In Northern Virginia, the muffin tops eat you...


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fattie says what.

Compute your ideal body weight here:

http://www.nerdbucket.com/entertain/anorexia_bulimia_calculator/you_are_too_fat.php


Finally, a BMI calculator with Push10G's seal of approval. Be sure to experiment with both formulas to hone in on your ideal weight.

Joke Day!


What is the #1 side effect of Anorexia?

500 chumps standing around you telling you how HOT you are.




What has 8 legs and scares women?

Gang Rape!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fatties must pay!

http://consumerist.com/2010/01/whole-foods-finds-way-to-make-overweight-folk-feel-even-more-self-conscious.html

This is just awesome... I think a food tax for fatties is a great idea! Here's another idea, make fatties pay a cover charge to walk into grocery stores or restaurants. Ugly people have to pay cover charges at the bar, so just extend the idea a bit. It's for their own good.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

WTF?

I must be getting old... when the fuck did they start letting girls over 130lbs into plastic sororities?

http://fashionista.com/2010/01/pi_phi_votes_tory_burch_not_do.php?

Have some sense of decency ladies, who cares what a fat chick is wearing?

Monday, December 21, 2009

Cycling is too boring

How to make road cycling more interesting:


  • Slalom gates at random intervals that are wide enough for one, two, or three cyclists. (each gate would be different, but never more than three abreast)
  • Shoulder blocking is legal
  • Drifting: 180 degree turns (not a hairpin) in a time trial that would make a fixie riders approve. A tight enough area for this would leave barely enough room for a 180 degree sliding stop.
  • Rumblestrips that are more like fuck-you-up strips if you don't at least try to pop the front wheel up or bunny hop them
  • Legal for the race leader to dump oil in the curves
  • Sand Bunkers: the entire width of the road is a sandbox, except for a 6" wide bridge throught the middle


    Some of these would benefit those who get the lead early and try to keep it. The peloton would be 10 minutes between the front and back, instead of one homogenous mass of pussies. Best of all, it would make cycling less fucking boring.
  • Monday, September 21, 2009

    It's as easy as 1-2-3!

    I don't get it... All a woman needs to do is be skinny, let her hair grow to the bottom of her shoulder blades, and shower/shampoo twice a day... What is so hard about that?

    Friday, September 4, 2009

    words of wisdom


    Accidents don't kill people... accidents make people.

    Take that out on your friday night with the flight attendants.

    Friday, August 28, 2009

    Bunny Boilers

    All of you crazy stalker chicks are something else...

    One of you had a mind-blowing revelation earlier today when I described to you how my phone does _not_ show 45 missed calls when it is turned off during all those calls... The only way I would've known that you called, under such circumstances, would be if you left a message. If my phone went straight to voicemail and you just hung up, then there is no magic stalker alert from Verizon Wireless that lets me know you called every 5 minutes while I was at 41,000' on my way to Ft Lauderdale.

    So ladies, while I love the attention, please don't hold it against me. At least not that anyways. Just keep sending the nudie pics and I'll respond to them when my busy schedule allows.