Don't forget to lose 60 pounds first.

Then lose twenty more, as long as you end up less than 120 pounds, you'll do.

Joke Day

Bigamy is one wife too many.

So is monogamy.

Reverse Triathlon

I've decided that normal triathlons are too painfully boring, so from now on, it's Reverse Triathlons only for me...

That means anal, vaginal, then oral.

For fucks sake...

Why can't all of you hideous bitches lose 25 pounds, grow your hair halfway down your back, bleach your hair blonde, and get a tan?


What is so fucking hard about about all this? See those two girls in the middle? I don't even CARE what their faces look like. It's obvious that they all have courtesy gaps, even if it's hidden from this angle.

Now, just for the record, I wouldn't date you because you'd be a fake blonde; but I do a little charity work every now and then...so you might have a slight chance.