My Master Cleanse testimonial

Let me share my master cleanse testimonial with you. I live in a world full of fat flight attendants and even fatter triathletes. Sometimes I wonder how I can go on living in such a world of fat and blubberous women. It's hard. Sometimes it's even harder.

I learned to cope with this cruel world using my own variation of the colon cleansing technique:

First, I have to break these grotesque fatties down mentally so they realize that they are fat.

Second, I berate these fat and hideous women to stop eating and take laxatives to make them look sexy.

"Take a handful of laxatives every 6 hours each day and call me in a week"

Third, after the laxatives have

taken effect, I allow them to only
drink water with lemon juice
and cayene pepper in it.

"Cheer up, you'll be sexy in no time"

"No no, call me in _two_ weeks "

Finally, when they are cleansed of all the vile and hideously ugly fat cells I ensure they are completely adapted to their new lifelong routine of vomiting (I like to call it "purging") after every meal and popping laxitives like candy to take care of anything that got past the stomach before they made it to the bathroom to purge.


So the master cleanse technique has worked wonders for me!!! I now find myself surrounded by hordes of skinny women looking for my approval. What more could a man ask for?