I went christmas shopping for you...

Merry Christmas baby... I went to Victoria's Secret to buy you some lingerie, but they didn't have anything smaller than a size zero. It took a while but I finally found something that I thought would look good on you! It's a size PXS, so hopefully it's small enough for you.

What do you mean size two??? THAT's TWO SIZES TO BIG!!! I know I only fly out to see you a few times a year, but what the fuck happened? You don't have to let yourself go! Dammit you fattie, lose 10 pounds and call me back when these size PXS crotchless panties fit you again. And do you know how hard it is to find a vinyl bra in size 28AA?

Well fuck. I hope i can get a flight out of here on christmas day. Keep crying, it will help you lose some water weight.