I'm a triathlete == I'm fat, slow, and self-aggrandizing

Yes, I heard you say you have an ironman in August three times already; you can stop mentioning it now. I also deduced that you are a triathlete from your flabby waistline and gu gel remnants dripping down your chin, so you don't have to drop the word triathlon in every fourth sentence. Do you think that when I'm in uniform talking to other pilots that I have to mention that I am a douchebag pilot every fourth sentence?

Seriously, when you are in the presence of other athletes, some of whom are much more accomplished than yourself, you can lay off the ego stroking just a bit.

As for the rest of you, I'm glad you are doing your first irongirl, but is that how you'll define your life from this day forward? You haven't lost the weight yet you slobbering fat-ass. And yes, you look like a fat stupid whore with that biker bitch leather ponytail wrap on your tri bike.

I know what you're thinking, what does "you haven't lost the weight yet" have to do with this? The only reason you are doing this triathlon is to lose that last 45 pounds, even if you are still lying to yourself about that fact... and I don't think you should count your chickens before they hatch.

Am I calling you fat? Yes! Am I calling you antisocial because you are a triathlete? Yes! Why is it that you can't wave or nod to other riders when you pass on the street. Apparently, being a fatty, you missed the skinny athlete initiation where everyone learns the secret language of acknowledging other athletes. I've written extensively on how fat=stupid, but I didn't realize it was this extensive.

I know you think you can't wave at other riders because of your dildo saddle and ballsack aerobar chin-rest, but normal decent human beings who don't take themselves to seriously are more than willing to at least make the slightest gesture to be friendly.

And yes, my dear fat triathlete, everyone notices you speeding up to show how fast you are to the guy when approaching on that road bike head-on. Even if the road bike is a 20" children's bike, you are sure to try to impress them with your aerodynamic sprint from 14.5 mph to speeds appraching a whopping 15.7 mph while you are out on a routine training ride with your 808's. Wow, see how i didn't drop a manufacturers name and you still know what i'm talking about? Shockingly sly of me.... You should try it sometime.

So anyway, add these things to your to-do list...

4. Stop being a antisocial self-aggrandizing prick
5. Stop trying to impress the people that support your sport, as though they know nothing about it.

As for number 5, just because someone is in the bike shop at the same time as you is there with a road bike, doesn't mean they haven't broken 11 hours. So show a little humility and stop making asses of yourselves. One characteristic of a person lacking intelligence is their persistent inability to comprehend their own ignorance.