In Northern Virginia, the muffin tops eat you...

Fattie says what.

Compute your ideal body weight here:

http://www.nerdbucket.com/entertain/anorexia_bulimia_calculator/you_are_too_fat.php

Finally, a BMI calculator with Push10G's seal of approval. Be sure to experiment with both formulas to hone in on your ideal weight.

Pick Up Your Copy Today

As the Editor-In-Chief of Anorexilicous magazine, I'll personally autograph your copy if you let me take naked pictures of you for the next issue. Just don't tell my girlfriend.

Shopping for clothes

Since I moved from the business world to the airline industry, I've changed the way I dress. Obviously I now have the uniform that makes women throw themselves at me vagina first when I'm at the airport, but I have to take it off when i leave the airport to keep women from ripping it off.

These days I shop at local surf shops, Hollister, PacSun or similar stores. It's much easier than shopping somewhere that carries Ralph Lauren or Nautica. (I don't care about fashion, I'm personally ok with just fitting into the 50th percentile). Why is it easier you ask? I only have to look at waist sizes, because everything is designed for people with the correct proportions. There aren't even that many waist sizes to look through, because there are no clothes for fat people. It's great. Plus I get those wanton stares from the high school girls when I walk through the local starbucks. I'm not suggesting one particular fashion style or anything homogenous looking. Quite the opposite. I just don't want to see any clothes over size 4 for women (but even those size 4 fatties need to whip themselves into shape eventually).

So ladies, if you have a tough time finding clothes that you like, you just need to have the body of a hot 18 year old cheerleader. You should get on that right away.

How can you respect a fattie?

How can anyone respect a fattie? Seriously, is there anyone who is fat and bloated that you trust? Regardless of whether you listen to this guy (or agree with him), it looks like he eats babies to me. I should probably look for a non-political photo, but still, would you trust a fat gym coach, fat dietitian, or fat accountant? I hope not.

I'm not arguing that the opposite might be true, so don't bitch at me for that.

Daylight Savings

Tomorrow starts daylight savings time you fatties.

Since there is one less hour in the day on Sunday, that means you need to cut your dietary intake by at least 4%...

Why don't you just round that up to 50% less. Yeah...

Encyclopedia of Fatties

I just picked up a new book from Barnes and Noble yesterday. I recognized some hot female triathletes from the front cover, so I thought I'd pick it up and write a review on it.


Turns out the book is very direct and to the point. It says that you are all fat and you need to lose weight; you fucking fatties....

No joke. Put down the turkey drumstick, take the emergency GU packets out of your fat folds, and start working on that courtesy gap. After all, When everyone in the room is skinny, it's the widest courtesy gap that matters.

You know it's true

Breaking News

My skinny friends at TriFAThlete have uncovered a story that has the blogging world trembling, and I am in possession of more shocking evidence that I must share with the world. Evidence that threatens to destroy the fabricated notions of these triathletes who are exalted by other triathlon websites...

(original undoctored photo)

Don't let photoshopped photos of "skinny" female triathletes fool you! No such skinny triathletes have ever existed! Even the so-called pro's are packing bodyfat percentages that would make a holstein blush.

More to come!!! Stay tuned!

Too skinny? Bullshit

Here are pictures of women who are not too skinny. In fact they could all stand to lose quite a bit more weight... How is it that the news media has attempted to manipulate women into thinking that being skinny is unhealthy (as opposed to the much more righteous fashion industry)?

Love Handles?
For fucks sake let's
act like a professional

Lose another two pounds
and I won't divorce you

.

I can see the flab on your arms
from here! Get rid of the fat
flaps and I might let you live

Lose another 2 inches off of
your waist and give me a call

Could you please lose some
fucking weight so you don't
rip your dress every
time you bend over?

F
FA
FAT
FATTIE
HAS FAT THIGHS

WHY CAN'T ALL YOU HIDEOUS BITCHES STOP BEING FAT?

Her vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard's robe

Let's total up how much weight you could stand to lose off of your DuraAce 7800 equipped bike.

SRAM Red: 265 grams
Cost $2000
$3426 per pound

DuraAce 7900: 135 Grams
Cost $2300
$7734 per pound

Campy Super Record: 235 grams
Cost $3100
$5988 per pound

Labiaplasty : 3 pounds of your hideous roast beef meat curtains shaved off
Cost $3000
$1000 per pound and a better looking courtesy gap

Stop being a GU guzzling fat-ass and get down to below 14% body fat: 23 pounds saved
Cost $-800
($35) per pound

Just think, you are making money by losing weight! You'll save over 800 dollars if you lay off all the fucking GU gels and lose all that grotesque body fat that bulges out of your cycling shorts

The money saved by losing all this weight will pay for a quarter of the cost of your labia reduction surgery! Then you won't have to bitch about how your vazhïn swells up and looks like a rose made out roast beef that smells like a dumpster full of rotting fish every time you DNF the ride because your fatt ass can't climb florida hills.

The benefits are endless!!! And if you call now, I throw in an added bonus! If you shave all the hair between your vazhïn and your asshole you'll lose another pound instantly! Thats an $800 dollar value just for being a hideous wildebeast!!!

How could you possibly want to buy a lighter components when all you have to do is shave off a pound of matted pubes, stop sucking GU gels like a coke whore earning her living, and indulge in a little self-beautification surgery? And here's a another free bonus, not only will you look better, but you won't make that flapping noise when you are pissing.

How great is that?

It's sing-along-time with uncle pilot!

Fat girls
talkin' 'bout cardio
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Fat girls
talkin' 'bout cardio
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

They don't
they don't even know
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

They don't
they don't even know
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

She's lookin' for a new relation
sick of all the self stimulation
she's gotta alotta insulation
butt the size of a third world nation

She's lookin' for a new relation
sick of all the self stimulation
she's gotta alotta insulation
butt the size of a third world nation

These girls
they don't know what to do
these girls
they don't know what to do

Fat girls
talkin' 'bout cardio
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Pop Quiz

Which one of these women is Fat?

It's a trick question, you were fat when you did your Iron Girl triathlon and when you did your 70.3

Lose 15 more pounds then give me a call.

fat chicks have to pay

Fat chicks need lovin' too

they just gotta pay

6 feet of bones and fucking

Did you know that one side effect of sexiness (some call it anorexia, but lets not split hairs), is loss of your period?

Another side effect is a vast number of chumps telling you how great you look 24 hours a day.

When you lose 5 more pounds you should call me.

And why do women take those sugar pills again?

Mind the Gap

What is sexy?

Let me tell you what is sexy... skinny.

Tell me what's wrong with the girl on the left?


Small love handles and her courtesy gap could stand to be just a little wider.


You can look like a coke whore or a world-class runner, as long as there is at least 3 inches between your thighs while standing with your feet together. That's the courtesy gap, and that's what matters. I don't want to see the outlines of your abs, that's too masculine. I want to see bones, not muscle.


The example to the right illustrates a very well formed courtesy gap

So you ask: Mr. Pilot, what should i do in order to have a chance with you?
Lose weight you fattie. Then go read my new book Ten Things to do to Your Man that aren’t Lay There Like a Futon and try being something other than a fattass in all your daily activies, including sex (or as you know it, "laying there jiggling and moaning").

Hey Look, it's a new triathlete!

Hey fatties, yes you do look fat in your wetsuit! It's not the wetsuit's fault, it the ginormous mounds of fat you squeezed into it, you fat ass. Try again when you aren't so fucking fat.



It's not the wetsuit that makes you look fat, it's your fat that makes you look fat

I feel fat today

So my body fat is up to almost 10% now... 2 months of having a new and improved girlfriend, eating out with her, eating her out, being sick, and skipping workouts to save my energy for the bedroom is really taking its toll... I really did up my eating to help bulk up and build a little muscle mass (it's hard to bulk up while keeping bodyfat below 5% - it's better to cycle bulking and cutting alternately).


What really bums me out is that groove in the middle of my abs is nowhere near as deep as it was a few months ago. I've gone from an oiled wheel of twisted steel and sex appeal to mere six pack abs (gotta love being genetically gifted to the 8 pack abs, though they only show up sub 5% bf).

At 188 pounds, that's 18 pound of bodyfat to 160 lbs of lean mass. That's a fucking Cervélo filling up all the grooves and trying to hide the CG's. What are CG's you ask? those are the cum gutters formed by your Rectus Abdominus and the External Obliques that make a V shape set of lines from your hip bones to your crotch. Unless you are a fatty, then it is the dimple above your asscrack (in the middle of your tramp stamp) where your boyfriend dumps his load after he pulls out. I know I aim for the dot of your m-dot tattoo.