Al Bundy
Showing posts with label fatties can't even give a hand-job without getting tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fatties can't even give a hand-job without getting tired. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Fat people is stoopid
I've been doing research on how fat effects the brain. I am trying to understand why fat people are idiots. Is it causation or correlation. I mean, are they fat because they are retarded, or does being fat make them stupid?
I realize that fat people all have low IQ's, but which is the cause and which is a symptom? Simple deduction tells me that since all fat people are stupid, but not all stupid people are fat (and conversely, some skinny people are stupid), it must be varying degrees of stupidity. I'm going to go out on an unscientific limb here, and say that people with a sub 80 IQ are the fatties and people with IQ's between 80 and 100 are the skinny idiots.
EUREKA!!! I'll be damned folks! There is no fat gene, but there is definitely a stupid gene... ALL FAT PEOPLE ARE GENETICALLY PREDISPOSED TO BE IDIOTS. Which is of course, explains why they seem to think there is a fat gene... they are just to dumb to understand their own situation.
In the pussy half of the gym I work out in (that's the half that doesn't have free-weights, chin-up bars, or tricep dip bars), the machines are Cybex Eagles. You probably don't know much about them, but believe me, anyone with an IQ over 80 could figure out that you adjust the seat height while your are sitting in the machine. They have spring loaded dampers and easy to reach handles that allow you to easily adjust the seat position (eg, if you pulled the handle while standing next to the machine, the relatively strong spring would raise the seat).
Well, fat fucks can't figure this out. I have never ever seen a skinny person trying to move the handle one way while trying to push down on the seat with their other hand. Fatties on the other hand fuck it up everytime and I just laugh. I like it when they really get frustrated and start shaking their head, which makes their double chin jowels jiggle.
FATTIE frequently asked questions:
Are fat people intelligent enough to be sentient? My research indicates that the group is centered across the threshold of sentience. Only about 50% of the fat idiots in the world look in a mirror and realize they are fat. The rest just paw at the mirror like a cat and make farting noises.
Why do only fat people think there is a fat gene? Well, no fatty in the history of modern medicine has been intellectually capable of understanding genetics, so they demonize things they don't understand. They beat all of the fat guys named Gene to death with turkey drumsticks, so now it's some sort of abstract idea that there is one more fat Gene left to beat.
Why do fatties take "dance" class at a gym instead of a ballroom? Normal ballrooms aren't designed to handle that kind of weight.... it would warp the hardwood floors.
I realize that fat people all have low IQ's, but which is the cause and which is a symptom? Simple deduction tells me that since all fat people are stupid, but not all stupid people are fat (and conversely, some skinny people are stupid), it must be varying degrees of stupidity. I'm going to go out on an unscientific limb here, and say that people with a sub 80 IQ are the fatties and people with IQ's between 80 and 100 are the skinny idiots.
EUREKA!!! I'll be damned folks! There is no fat gene, but there is definitely a stupid gene... ALL FAT PEOPLE ARE GENETICALLY PREDISPOSED TO BE IDIOTS. Which is of course, explains why they seem to think there is a fat gene... they are just to dumb to understand their own situation.
In the pussy half of the gym I work out in (that's the half that doesn't have free-weights, chin-up bars, or tricep dip bars), the machines are Cybex Eagles. You probably don't know much about them, but believe me, anyone with an IQ over 80 could figure out that you adjust the seat height while your are sitting in the machine. They have spring loaded dampers and easy to reach handles that allow you to easily adjust the seat position (eg, if you pulled the handle while standing next to the machine, the relatively strong spring would raise the seat).
Well, fat fucks can't figure this out. I have never ever seen a skinny person trying to move the handle one way while trying to push down on the seat with their other hand. Fatties on the other hand fuck it up everytime and I just laugh. I like it when they really get frustrated and start shaking their head, which makes their double chin jowels jiggle.
FATTIE frequently asked questions:
Are fat people intelligent enough to be sentient? My research indicates that the group is centered across the threshold of sentience. Only about 50% of the fat idiots in the world look in a mirror and realize they are fat. The rest just paw at the mirror like a cat and make farting noises.
Why do only fat people think there is a fat gene? Well, no fatty in the history of modern medicine has been intellectually capable of understanding genetics, so they demonize things they don't understand. They beat all of the fat guys named Gene to death with turkey drumsticks, so now it's some sort of abstract idea that there is one more fat Gene left to beat.Why do fatties take "dance" class at a gym instead of a ballroom? Normal ballrooms aren't designed to handle that kind of weight.... it would warp the hardwood floors.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Bitch please... shut up
Women love to give me grief. I call it Post-coitus open-mouth syndrome. It generally starts off with her fingers tracing the outline of my 8 pack abs, or just running 4 fingers from my pecs to my CG's; followed by a compliment about how sexy I am. Great. Lots of pictures have been taken of my abs and their raw sexual masculinity is well documented, but thanks for stroking my ego.
I'm certainly willing to return the favor, and provide an equally gracious and heartfelt compliment about your appearance. I know a lot of superlatives for sexy, intelligent, and pleasurable; and how to use them in an heartfelt way, though I usually would rather fall asleep or
just catch my breath at that moment.
Why the fuck can't women leave it at that? I do not want to have an entire damn conversation about commitment, love, how fat you are (or feel) and what-ifs every fucking time we have sex.
Ladies please, take the hint: shut the fuck up after our mutual orgasms and just let the moment linger. I worked my ass off for 45 minutes to get you off; I do not want to play twenty questions now. Seriously. Or you try doing all the fucking work for once without screwing it up, and see if you want to "open up" when we're done.
So you think I'm sexier than you? great? Shut the hell up about it. I don't want to hear it, and if you aren't going to believe what I tell you, don't ask the damn question!
I'm certainly willing to return the favor, and provide an equally gracious and heartfelt compliment about your appearance. I know a lot of superlatives for sexy, intelligent, and pleasurable; and how to use them in an heartfelt way, though I usually would rather fall asleep or
just catch my breath at that moment.Why the fuck can't women leave it at that? I do not want to have an entire damn conversation about commitment, love, how fat you are (or feel) and what-ifs every fucking time we have sex.
Ladies please, take the hint: shut the fuck up after our mutual orgasms and just let the moment linger. I worked my ass off for 45 minutes to get you off; I do not want to play twenty questions now. Seriously. Or you try doing all the fucking work for once without screwing it up, and see if you want to "open up" when we're done.
So you think I'm sexier than you? great? Shut the hell up about it. I don't want to hear it, and if you aren't going to believe what I tell you, don't ask the damn question!
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