WTF?

I must be getting old... when the fuck did they start letting girls over 130lbs into plastic sororities?

http://fashionista.com/2010/01/pi_phi_votes_tory_burch_not_do.php?

Have some sense of decency ladies, who cares what a fat chick is wearing?

Benefits of a courtesy gap

I've heard of legs that rub together when running, but I just saw legs that were completely stuck together while this fattie was running. It was almost like she had dripped half a jar of Smuckers jelly out of a 3 layer PB&J onto on her thighs and it glued everything together.

You might ask why I went out looking for such a thing... I was doing legs at the gym yesterday, the only day I venture away from the free-weights, and the leg extension and prone leg curls were right in front of the treadmill this fattie was using. I didn't notice it right away, because instead of focusing on donuts and trying to figure out ways not to actually do work in the gym, I was intent on busting out 3x10 sets of the maximum weights these machines allow (literally, and this is after 5 sets of ass-to-grass squats). So I look up, and I end up eye-to-FUPA with this fat excuse for a woman.

After I regained control of my gagging reflex, I (for the benefit of science) began watching the mechanics of her attempts to crush the treadmill jogging. There must be like a 20% loss of efficiency when you are running with the flab on your legs glued together. It's already stretched out, which is why she can walk/jog without falling over. I can't imagine what sort of smelly effects the heat dissipation from that motion must cause.

But really, lay off the sticky sweets before you go running so your legs aren't stuck together like some sort of fucked-up mermaid. Besides, men don't like mermaids, we like "reverse mermaids"...

Oh, and if you don't know what a FUPA is, check this out:
http://fupahunter.blogspot.com/

Anyways, the whole point is, if you have a courtesy gap, no one will mistake you for a mermaid and you won't smell like half of a sweaty fish either.

Cheer up fattie!

Just remember that hunger pangs are the sign of fat leaving the body.

Core exercises

Listen ladies... don't over do dumb shit you heard from other trainers... we want a skinny waistline, and all those extra "core" exercises are packing on muscle in the wrong places. Let me tell you what sorts of exercises you should really be doing:

Make sure you get your arm and shoulder exercises to show some muscle tone when you where that strapless and backless little black dress. Nothing sexier than the area where a beautiful woman's neck, shoulders, and back meet. A little endurance there will certainly help with those long-lasting handjobs you should be giving me. Endurance swimming will give you the endurance and the resistance training and pool sprints will give you that burst of anerobic speed that can really get a guy over the edge.

I mentioned the neck... it's hard to find neck machines anywhere but a rehabilitation center or pro football gym... but let's not forget how important those neck muscles are when your giving me a 15 minute blow job. It's a real bummer when you drop the pace at the last minute, so if nothing else, the best blowjob training is actually giving lots of blowjobs until you get good at it.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, please stop doing those fucking retarded hip adductor/abductor exercises. You should strive to be very flexible in the range of motion in your hips, but you don't need to have all those extra useless muscles taking up room in your precious courtesy gap (or making your hips look wider). Just stick with yoga and other resistance exercises that mimic wild sexual positions. Not only is it fun to watch you do them at the gym, but the real thing is that much better when you don't get a back cramp in the middle of a jack hammer.

Squats. Ass-to-grass squats are the best exercise in the world. Nothing is better for overall conditioning. Not only is it a sexy to see a woman doing free weight squats, but it's getting you ready for some of the greatest reverse-cowgirl action you could imagine. Full-extension is important here. Keep the weight low in the beginning and get those glutes within an inch or two of your achilles when you are at the low point in the exercise. Not only are you getting a good quad, glute, and back exercise, but the stabilizer muscles from free squats will really help with your control to accidental penis damage during those cowgirl moves.

Running. Coupled with eating next to nothing for a few weeks, nothing will get you sexier faster than running. The key is not eating. Get it? No GU, no Shot Blocks, and no simple carbs. I've got an extra oral protein injection waiting for you if you need any supplements.

As i touched on earlier, the yoga positions that mimic sexual positions are a great way to increase flexibility. Some moves are diffictult to achieve without specific training, so make sure you read up or watch some "training videos" to get yourself prepared mentally and physically.

Kegels. I can't speak highly enough of these. You can do them anytime (or all the time) and then throw in some standing exercises with a Kegel Training Bar or Ben-Wa Balls and you'll be up to spec within a very short time. If they aren't working for you, that tightening vaginoplasty is a great simple fix. I don't normally suggest surgery as an easy alternative to exercise, but if you don't have to bother with lubing up that seatpost, surgery might be your only viable option.

One last point.... Make sure you keep good posture. Nothing is more sad looking that a would-be beautiful woman who is slouching with her hear and boobs down and shoulders forward. You don't want to look like Quasimoto, so keep your shoulders back, chin up, and tits perked up.

Still looking for your courtesy gap?

Having trouble finding your courtesy gap?

Try a little cocaine... I hear it helps

From the looks of pictures that have been emailed to me, there seems to be a bit of confusion in how the courtesy gap is determined. Here is the official Push 10 G's Guide to Courtesy Gap Inspection:

1. A properly formed courtesy gap will measure 3 inches from thigh to thigh, measured 1 inch below the lowest point of the camel toe.
2. The courtesy gap is measured with the woman standing vertical, with her heels and the balls of her feet both touching
3. A false courtesy gap may be formed when a woman leans forward, as though to be entered from behind or to self-inspect while leaning over (suggestion: use a full length mirror).
4. You should determine the actual size of your gap with a trained partner, not be leaning over to measure it yourself, to ensure accurate measurements.
5. If you wear greater than size zero skinny jeans you are too fat to have a courtesy gap. I suggest losing ten pounds and then remeasuring. Repeat this process every two weeks until you have proper courtesy gap.
   

Breaking News

My skinny friends at TriFAThlete have uncovered a story that has the blogging world trembling, and I am in possession of more shocking evidence that I must share with the world. Evidence that threatens to destroy the fabricated notions of these triathletes who are exalted by other triathlon websites...

(original undoctored photo)

Don't let photoshopped photos of "skinny" female triathletes fool you! No such skinny triathletes have ever existed! Even the so-called pro's are packing bodyfat percentages that would make a holstein blush.

More to come!!! Stay tuned!

Too skinny? Bullshit

Here are pictures of women who are not too skinny. In fact they could all stand to lose quite a bit more weight... How is it that the news media has attempted to manipulate women into thinking that being skinny is unhealthy (as opposed to the much more righteous fashion industry)?

Love Handles?
For fucks sake let's
act like a professional

Lose another two pounds
and I won't divorce you

.

I can see the flab on your arms
from here! Get rid of the fat
flaps and I might let you live

Lose another 2 inches off of
your waist and give me a call

Could you please lose some
fucking weight so you don't
rip your dress every
time you bend over?

F
FA
FAT
FATTIE
HAS FAT THIGHS

WHY CAN'T ALL YOU HIDEOUS BITCHES STOP BEING FAT?

My Master Cleanse testimonial

Let me share my master cleanse testimonial with you. I live in a world full of fat flight attendants and even fatter triathletes. Sometimes I wonder how I can go on living in such a world of fat and blubberous women. It's hard. Sometimes it's even harder.

I learned to cope with this cruel world using my own variation of the colon cleansing technique:

First, I have to break these grotesque fatties down mentally so they realize that they are fat.

Second, I berate these fat and hideous women to stop eating and take laxatives to make them look sexy.

"Take a handful of laxatives every 6 hours each day and call me in a week"

Third, after the laxatives have

taken effect, I allow them to only
drink water with lemon juice
and cayene pepper in it.

"Cheer up, you'll be sexy in no time"

"No no, call me in _two_ weeks "

Finally, when they are cleansed of all the vile and hideously ugly fat cells I ensure they are completely adapted to their new lifelong routine of vomiting (I like to call it "purging") after every meal and popping laxitives like candy to take care of anything that got past the stomach before they made it to the bathroom to purge.


So the master cleanse technique has worked wonders for me!!! I now find myself surrounded by hordes of skinny women looking for my approval. What more could a man ask for?

Critique my position

OMG Where is the fucking eye bleach?

Lose 30 pounds and then I might tell you to switch to an injection molded dildo saddle replica of my cock* and OH MY GOD ARE THOSE CANKLES? Those are some awfully chubby cheeks you have! Is that why there are no acorns in the northeast this year? I bet it's even harder to pronounce your R's and G's with those things.


*for sale soon in right and left handed models.

Props to TriFAThlete for the inspiration. Click the image for full size pic.