Top exercise for fatties

So you want to look fat? Boy do I have an exercise for you...

But then again, since you are already a fattie you probably already do this exercise every day.

If you never want to have a courtesy gap and you want to keep your wide hips forever, why don't you head down to your local gym and do Hip Adduction/Abduction exercises. I'm sure you know what machine I'm talking about... You saw other fat bitches slobbering all over this useless machine so you decided to do yet another exercise which involves sitting down and spreading your legs.

What a useless fucking exercise. All it does it makes your thunder thighs even wider. That means it makes your thighs rub together even more and makes your ass look wider in those bike shorts you outgrew a long time ago anyway.

You should really practice your Kegels instead, by tying a 5 pound weight to your favorite dildo, insert it whilst standing up, and contract your PC muscles to keep it there for 30 second repititions, until failure.

What a sexy sleek device they make for this purpose.

If you think it is upside down in this picture, you need get a tightening vaginoplasty when you get your labia reduction surgery.

More coverage on GIHUGIC breaking news...

A secret source at Runner's World magazine has sent me a copy of the original undoctored cover proof featuring a Fat Triathlete that was featured on their cover in the October 2007 issue.

(first draft of the October 2007 cover)

It is easily ascertained from the wide hips, enormous thighs, and godzilla cankles that this is in fact a real triathlete; not the doctored version that ran actual print issue. Don't be fooled by the media; fatties have very effectively infested the triathlon world and are considered immune to weight loss even under such demanding circumstances.

If you see a fat triathlete in the streets, try to avoid contact. Fattyness spreads by contact and is highly contagous. Do not share bottles with fat triathletes as indirect contact with a fat triathlete is the second leading cause of obesity in our country.