I've been saying that women have an expiration date for years, but I've never tried to quantify how, or come up with a unifying theory.... Here are a few ideas I've been mulling over:- The day she met you she decided when you should propose to her... When that date passes in her mind without a marriage proposal, she expires.
- After a month of arguing that all women fake orgasms and that she's never had a real one with any penis, she finally has a breakthrough orgasm during sex. Women expire two weeks after that if you don't refrigerate them properly.
- When they start crying uncontrollably because I banged a new-hire flight attendant on that 32 hour layover.
- When a woman's weight gets over 118 pounds (for "the standard" 5'11" with long blonde hair)
- When a woman starts having irregular periods it's a sure sign she's past her sell-by date and about to expire.
- After the second time you see her crying.
- When she starts to think that you want her for more than her body, and that I wouldn't mind if she put on a few pounds because "beauty is more than skin deep***."
- When women start feeling that they are going to expire at 30 if they aren't married with children before then, it's like putting bananas into a plastic bag. They'll be ripe overnight and expire within a day or two.
(***more on that later)
